I don’t want to be a racing driver.
I like the thought of it more than actually doing it.
Many people have told me I’m no good at it .
It’s a waste of time and money, and I can barely afford it, anyway.
I’m socially anxious at the thought of having to talk to 40 other drivers and their crew.
I have some physical problems at the moment that will stop me doing it.
We’ve had so many false starts to get back racing in the last few years, it’s just not meant to be.
There is just too much against me.
I’m just letting everyone down.
I don’t deserve it.
All of those thoughts have gone through my head since I last raced in 2018. Some of those were even eating away at me before then, if I’m completely honest.
Which is all a bit alien, considering that I’m a very positive person who strongly believes that every one of us can live our dreams. Most people also know how chilled out I am about life in general, even under the heaviest of pressures in the most dire of circumstances (“I’m so laid-back, you can see the soles of my feet when I’m walking” as my Dad would say).
I know mental health has become a much more open and acceptable topic over the last few years, but it’s still something racing drivers aren’t expected to get into – unless you have a ‘real’ diagnosed condition with a fancy name you can put to it. The rest of us are just sort-of left to fend for ourselves… and writing that I realise I am assuming anyone else out there ever feels anything like this?
Maybe they don’t, but I’m pretty sure most people do, whether they race or not.
I guess my main issue is self-doubt. Imposter Syndrome.
But despite any of these thoughts creeping into my head in the past, I can guarantee one instant cure for it:
When I drop that visor down, this is my moment.
This is the best I can be.
This is my chance to push myself to the extremes and show myself what I’m capable of.
This is life and being alive.
And you know what?
I am good enough.
I can do it.
I love being a racing driver and I’ll always have that in my blood.
My time to do this is limited, and I don’t want to have any regrets about what I was too scared to do.
I’m not the type to be scared, and I’m certainly not the type to give up if others don’t think I’m good enough.
By the time you read this, I will be at Donington Park GP circuit on an Easter Monday in the year 2022.
Whatever the rest of the day offers me, I’m going to take it with both hands.
It feels amazing to be back.